When You're Not Looking

Day Four of Molly vs. the bottle of Mt. Dew

Four days ago, I bought a 3-liter of Mt. Dew, had some with my dinner, and closed it tightly. Finding a loose cap and flat Mt. Dew is a pet peeve of mine. Maybe I closed it too tight. I do, distinctly, remember tightening it twice. Anyway, next day comes around, and I can't open it. I twist until my hands feel like sore little nubs. Second day, I figure I must have loosened it some the day before, and again I am defeated. I actually start contemplating taking the bottle to work and asking someone to open it. I admit this idea seems silly, but I am an addict. Instead, I buy another one and successfully open it on the third day. I was just warming up though. I mean, everyone wants they can't have. So, today I mustered my strength, turned and twisted. And then, not to be beaten by this smirking piece of plastic, I found a nice sharp knife.Anyway, I really needed to let someone know that I am the victor.

I tried to update awhile ago and lost the post through some technical difficulties. I filed my taxes today, ever the slacker. We get $300 back! Woo hoo! I'm still training to be a manager at Arby's, trying to find a night job in the meantime. We found a bar down here. Actually, my ass is what got us the flyer, but we all decided to check the place out. Now its like our Cheers. They don't card us...and a good half of us that regularly go are underage. The bartenders know us, and we know them. They only have beer, but the drinking isn't why I like it so much. The bar's grungy like most bars from home, and they feature local bands every Saturday. The bar owner and his girlfriend love us. We have a community there even if it is only on the weekends.

I was home for a week at the end of March. Illinois might as well have been China, for all its similarities to the one I left eight months ago. Both my grandpas passed away (a girl at work advised me that it isn't "died", it is "passed away")in March. Losing my Grandpa Callan and not being there to say my good-byes makes it harder for it to be real. I constantly find myself saying or thinking something, and then cringing when I realize it should be in the past tense. I sat by his grave and let my fingers follow the shape of the letters in his name. It still doesn't seem real. A part of me waited the whole time I was home to come up behind him on the tractor when I was in a hurry to get somewhere. My parents are getting a divorce. I waited to write about it, seeing if Sam would say anything. But I think it has become somewhat public knowledge, and I am not one who likes to keep my mouth shut. It's weird, because I am horribly happy for both of them as people, and still angry at my father, and sad because home isn't home anymore. I've said it was twenty-seven years in the making. Mostly it bugs me because I'm not there to do anything about it. I'm not there to smooth anything out or make anything better. I'm just a voice on the end of the phone. However, I was home long enough to find my place in the world I left and long enough to find that world completely changed. I feel totally displaced. I have no real home anymore.

Luckily, I got to spend a fair amount of time with my niece, marveling over how much she's grown. I love watching Jake be a dad. My little brother and I ventured to the Vu for his first time and my 8th or 9th time. That was funny and awkward. Keely and I thought we should have brought cameras. And as usual, I was "forced" to see another sunrise, because Morgan and I do not know how to stop talking when we are around each other. Infected Rectum does have a certain ring to it.

I'm in a good mood today. It was windy and sunny, like it should be at home right about now. I bought some dahlias and gerbera daisies from Wal-Mart, because I've been really impatient with my seedlings that I planted a week or so ago. I think all my badgering and hovering is making them droopy and wimpy. I was thinking about playing them Mozart...or maybe some salsa music or something.

Does that actually work?

posted by molly @ 12:05 PM